When we think about the timeline of human history, we’d like to believe that our species is much more evolved now than we were millennia ago. Although there are drastic differences between the earliest civilizations and our modern societies, there are also qualities that are just part of our nature. From prehistoric cosmetics to ancient underwear, when we look back at archeological discoveries and historical artifacts it’s clear that some parts of human behavior haven’t changed much over time.
The Roman Barbie wasn’t made of plastic, but she was still fantastic
This wooden doll found in the sarcophagus of a young Roman girl dates back to the 2nd century. The shape of the doll and the way that her limbs move on hinges isn’t the only way this toy is reminiscent of a modern Barbie doll. She was discovered with a box full of complimentary clothes and accessories to be dressed in different outfits. However, it’s unclear if she ever had a Roman Ken.
Neanderthals used body glitter made of stones and shells
Most people think that it takes real skill to apply makeup, but archeologists discovered it’s actually so easy a caveman could do it. Shimmery residues found on an archeological dig suggest that Neanderthals used a powder made from ground shells and stones as a type of glitter to adorn their bodies.
A Roman emperor built massive boats on Lake Nemi to throw wild and indulgent parties
We might think of yacht parties as being an invention of the modern era, but the Roman Emperor Caligula was remembered for having debaucherous blowouts on huge boats that could fit thousands of people. The boats sank to the bottom of Lake Nemi centuries ago but were recovered when Benito Mussolini instructed the Italian armed forces to drain the lake.
We’ve always loved a mani-pedi! This 18th-century make-up kit includes a mirror, pencils, and a manicure set
It can officially be said that being a timeless beauty means having neatly manicured nails and cuticles. Archeologists discovered an 18th-century make-up kit that included a set of tools for manicuring nails in addition to a mirror and other cosmetics.
An ancient “Beware of Dog” sign was found at a poet’s house in Pompeii
Not everyone’s pets are great with strangers, but this Roman dog must have been mighty fierce if the owners needed to warn guests with a mosaic built into the floor. The inscription “CAVE CANEM” translates to “caveat canine,” which makes this 2000-year-old tile floor the oldest known “Beware of Dog” sign.
Greenlandic women wore beaded thongs made of seal fur and whale sinew
Revealing undergarments were around long before Victoria’s Secret, but we had no idea just how long. Although G-strings seem like a modern fashion choice, the Inuit people of Greenland have been wearing ‘naatsit’ for centuries. These thongs were not just worn as undergarments but they were also commonly worn without pants as loungewear inside the home.
Chariot racing was like ancient NASCAR
Chariot racing was one of the most popular sports in ancient Greece, Rome, and Byzantium. Giant crowds gathered to watch the riders risk their lives by racing at high speeds around a track. Much like the racecar industry today, many people had favorite charioteers or favorite teams and bet large sums on the outcomes of the races.
Passports existed in China as early as the Yuan Dynasty China, but they were giant metal disks
The passport booklets of today could not be more different from passports in 13th-century China. This passport from Kublai Khan’s dynasty reads “I am the emissary of the Khan. If you defy me, you die.” At least if your passport is a giant bronze disk it would be pretty difficult to forget to pack it.
Egyptian scrolls show people have been getting inked for thousands of years
Getty Images / DigitalVision Vectors / duncan1890
Though many people of older generations think of tattoos as a recent fad among young people, humans have been inking themselves across countless cultures from the beginning of time. Even this papyrus from Ancient Egypt shows a man covered from head to toe in tattoos.
A Mayan figurine with a removable helmet reminds us of an ancient Lego character
Lego wasn’t founded until 1932 in Denmark, but 1,500 years before a Mayan artisan seems to have made its prototype. The ceramic figurine was found in present-day Guatemala, and its removable helmet, shape, and size give it a look not unlike the popular plastic children’s toy.
Queen Nefertari’s scented “unguent” box shows that perfume is an ancient luxury product
Nefertari’s name is translated as “the most beautiful one” but she must have smelled pretty good too. Archeologists discovered in her tomb a small box made of hippopotamus ivory with remnants of unguent, a scented ointment that was used very much like perfume today.
3000-year-old jugs were sculpted in the shape of the poppy seed pods
Residue collected from pottery discovered on the Mediterranean island of Cyprus show that its ancient inhabitants used a poppy seed derivative in religious ceremonies. These artifacts are also early representations of genius product marketing. Crafted in the shape of a poppy seed pod, the jugs hint at what would be found inside.
Even the Ancient Egyptians cared about home security
From doorbells with cameras to motion sensor alarm systems, the home security industry is one of the largest markets in the world today. Still, the need to feel safe and secure at home is nothing new. Even the Ancient Egyptians had sophisticated wooden locks with intricate pin systems to keep doors shut and storehouses sealed. If you thought remembering a gate code was difficult, imagine having to solve a wooden puzzle box every time you got home.
A Mesopotamian beer recipe proves it’s human nature to want to crack open a cold one
Okay, so maybe the Mesopotamians didn’t store their beer in cans…and refrigeration 5,000 years ago wasn’t quite what it is today…but they definitely loved their beer in the “cradle of civilization.” People were likely drinking beer even earlier than four millennia ago, however much of recorded history began with the Mesopotamians. They wrote about drinking beer in their literature, sculpted themselves throwing back brewskies at banquets, and they even wrote the first known recipe for brewing beer.
Artifacts of “Drunken Silenus” show us that we’ve always needed a friend who makes sure we make it home safely
In ancient times, Dionysus (known as Bacchus to the Romans) was the god of wine and “religious ecstasy.” The Greeks and Romans threw wild celebrations in his honor, but the real party animal was Silenus. This mythical man of the forest was Dionysus’s tutor. He’s often depicted stumbling, barely awake, and needing to be carried home from a festival. Luckily, he had people around him to help him make it home after he’d been overserved.
Napoleon Bonaparte brushed his teeth regularly…with an opium-based toothpaste
What the infamous French leader lacked in height he made up for in dental hygiene. Napoleon Bonaparte kept his teeth clean with a toothbrush made of a silver handle and bristles made of horsehair. His toothpaste, however, was opium-derived, which zero out of ten dentists are likely to recommend these days.
Customers began writing bad reviews 4,000 years ago
The ancient city of Ur was one of the first civilizations to develop a writing system, and one of the earliest records of their texts is basically a bad Yelp review. Around 1750 BCE, Nanni sent a message via a clay tablet to a copper dealer named Ea-nasir. According to Nanni, not only did they not receive the correct grade of copper that they had paid for but they felt the delivery person had been rude. They were so peeved by the poor customer service that they had to get their feelings out in writing.
Gladiator fangirls bought vials of their favorite fighter’s sweat
Even today, certain people will spend their money on a used tissue, a strand of hair, or any other bizarre relic of their favorite celebrity. Still, Roman women took it to another level. They had such strong crushes on certain gladiators that the ancient athletes would scrape off their sweat using a tool called a strigil, bottle it, and sell it to women who used it as a moisturizer or lubricant.
Stone Age people used ground seed inhalers to induce a trance-like state
Wikimedia Commons
Archeologists have discovered prehistoric stone inhalers throughout the Caribbean that were used in mind-expanding rituals. Evidence suggests that people ground up seeds that grow natively in the region and inhaled them through this device. Using the apparatus this way would cause the ancient people to take a trip, and we’re not talking about island hopping.
People have been flushing toilets for much longer than we’d expect
People have been using water to wash away their waste for thousands of years, but the flush toilet is also a very old invention. The first toilet that flushed in a way we would recognize today was designed by Sir John Harington (who happened to be the godson of Queen Elizabeth I). Although they had the technology to flush, each use took almost 8 gallons of water, so around twenty people would use the toilet between flushes.
Fish tanks have been around since Ancient Sumer
Getty Images / DigitalVision Vectors / ZU_09
The Sumerians are the first people on record to keep fish in artificial ponds. This civilization kept fish 4,500 years ago, but there is also evidence that the same was done in ancient Egypt and Assyria. Archeologists even found aquariums from a Roman shipwreck that they believe were meant to transport live fish.
Magic mirror on the wall, who’s the Pharaoh-ist of them all?
Artifacts from the ancient world show that vanity has always been a part of human nature. Although it might not look like it now, this is a mirror from Ancient Egypt. Perhaps it’s a bit more tarnished now than when it was first manufactured, but we imagine it used to be quite reflective.
Ancient Mediterranean women used birth control…and they harvested it to extinction
Records from several Mediterranean civilizations show that they harvested a plant called “silphium” because of its medicinal properties. Among its uses, silphium was a powerful contraceptive and abortifacient. However, because the plant was so sensitive to soil chemistry it only grew in very specific conditions. No civilization was ever able to recreate those conditions enough to cultivate it and the plant was overharvested out of existence.
A diagram from 1644 shows just how natural it is to talk with our hands
In the mid-17th century, an English doctor published a text illustrating just how ingrained into our bodies it is to “talk” with our hands. The book, calls gesturing “the natural language of the hand” and suggests that using our hands to communicate is not just natural but also universal.
A smoky eye has always been in fashion
Throughout the Middle East, ancient civilizations were enhancing their eyes with kohl, an early form of eyeliner. A dark, charcoal-like mineral was ground into a paste and applied around the eyes with a thin, tapered stick. Women, men, and children alike wore kohl to protect their eyes from the sun’s harsh rays (much like how footballer players smudge black grease under their eyes to reduce glare). However, it was also common to use kohl merely as a cosmetic, and many cultures still line their eyes this way today.
Julius Caesar had one of his nipples pierced
Ancient Roman men would pierce their nipples as a sign of masculinity and strength, and Julius Caesar is said to be among those gents who had pecs with pizazz. Archeological evidence shows that humans have been piercing below the earlobes for thousands of years. In Ancient Egypt, the Pharaoh even pierced his belly button as a sign of his status.
The oldest bidet in history belonged to Queen Maria Carolina of Naples
Though they never went out of fashion in many parts of the world, bidets are making a comeback in the West. The first Italian bidet ever discovered belonged to Queen Maria Carolina of Naples and was part of the facilities of the Royal Palace of Caserta in Italy.
Even Plato needed an alarm clock to get up on time
It’s well-known that ancient people used sundials to tell time, but we think of alarm clocks as being a very modern invention. However, the earliest known alarm clock actually belonged to Plato. It worked by controlling the flow of water so that a chime rang twice a day–once before his evening lecture and another time first thing in the morning.
Snowball fights have been a playful winter pastime for centuries
One thing about human nature is that where there’s snow, there will be snowball fights. This painting of chilly children having fun in the snow is from 18th-century Japan, but the earliest known artistic representation of a snowball fight is over 600 years old. Many of these paintings are of adults, not children! These artifacts show us that no matter where you’re from or how old you are, it’s only natural to want to play in the snow.
A tablet reading “May your penis hurt when you make love” suggests even the ancients had bad breakups
Magical practices have existed long before recorded history, but the written curses that archeologists can interpret hint at very juicy drama. One 7th-century tablet found on the island of Cyprus simply reads, “May your penis hurt when you make love.” No other artifacts or records survived to provide any context, but it’s not unreasonable to think this curse was crafted by a scorned ex.
Even ancient weightlifters loved skimpy athleticwear
A mosaic found in a Roman Villa depicts two women exercising in an ancient gymnasium. The fact that these women are working out in bikinis isn’t even the most revealing insight into daily Roman routines. One of the women is lifting weights that look very similar to a set of modern dumbbells, showing that this exercise equipment has been around way longer than 24 Hour Fitness.
Mesopotamian priests worshipped the Goddess Inanna by cross-dressing
As early as 3,500 BCE, inhabitants of Ancient Sumer followed the cult of Inanna. She was said to whip her followers into a sexual frenzy, and was worshipped by both men and women by the practice of ritualized cross-dressing and sacred prostitution.
15th-century sex workers wore “pubic wigs” called merkins
We’ve always been obsessed with the hair down there, but whether it stays or goes changes with the time. In the 15th century, fur was in fashion, but workers of the oldest profession had to shave in order to combat pubic lice. To solve their dilemma, they began buying merkins, which were essentially wigs for their nether regions.
Parisian women used to wear dresses so sheer that it put their lives in danger
Every teenager has been told by their parents to change clothes, but nothing compares to the skimpy French fashion at the end of the 18th century. Aristocratic women wore linen dresses that were so extremely thin and transparent that they were called “woven air.” The more sheer and clingy the clothing, the more stylish it was considered. Some women even wet their dresses to achieve a see-through look which caused an outbreak of tuberculosis.
King Tut used condoms made of linen soaked in oil
Besides not being hygienic, it’s highly unlikely that Tutankhamun’s linen condom was actually effective. The ancient contraceptive was among the many strange objects unearthed from his tomb and is one of the earliest condoms ever discovered.
In Pompeii, brothels were such developed establishments that customers could order from a menu
The ruins of Pompeii are filled with frescos of explicit scenes but none give as much insight into their lost culture than the paintings that lined the walls of the ancient brothels. Businesses of this nature were not hidden but well-established parts of the community. Inside the building, the walls were even painted with scenes of people in a variety of adult activities, which scholars believe were a menu advertising the services a customer could book. Artifacts like these were so shocking to the archeologists who first excavated Pompeii that they either covered their discoveries again or hid them away. Many erotic artifacts were locked in the National Archaeological Museum of Naples’ “secret cabinet” from 1849 until the year 2000.
Frescos in Italy show that whips and chains have always excited some people
“The Tomb of the Whipping” in Central Italy is not a place for the faint of heart. Each wall of the Etruscan necropolis is decorated with scenes of people engaging in intercourse, including one of two men flogging a woman in an erotic context. This scene in particular proves that this type of kink isn’t a modern invention, but people have gotten their kicks this way for thousands of years.
In Ancient India, young men learned “the worldly role of the householder” from scenes in temple sculptures
The Lakshmana Temple is an ancient Hindu temple dedicated to the deity Lakshmi that was constructed over a thousand years ago. The temple sits within a larger compound where young boys were sent to live as bachelors until they came of age. Although many of the scenes depicted on the sculptures we wouldn’t consider suitable for innocent eyes, they were intended to enlighten the boys about certain aspects of the world that they’d need to know before they became young men.
The three “legged” pottery of the Longshan culture made cooking fun
Believe it or not, the design of this pot had a functional purpose. The three-legged structure of the pot meant that it could stand on its own and a fire could be built directly below it. The three divided vessels also meant that three dishes could be cooked at the same time. Even if the function can explain the design, we can’t help but wonder if the ceramicist had something else on their mind when they were sculpting the clay.
Peruvian pottery shows that ancient Moche preferred unconventional intercourse
It isn’t uncommon for ancient civilizations to depict copulation in their artwork, and the Moche were no exception. What makes the ancient Peruvian population unique, however, was that they seemed to enjoy romantic encounters involving either orifice. The Moche left behind hundreds of artifacts illustrating their intimate practices, and they were by no means abstract artists.
An Egyptian painting depicts an ancient ‘Magic Mike’
Archeologists discovered a fragment of an Ancient Egyptian artwork painted on a leather scroll. Although the rest of the artwork is missing, what remains of the tapestry leaves little to the imagination. The scene shows a harpist playing music while a male dancer performs in nothing more than his birthday suit. The performance was likely to honor Bes, a fertility god, but it shows that Las Vegas wasn’t the first place in history you could see an erotic dancer and a pyramid on the same day.
The first “loveseat” was made for King Edward VII, but it had a much different purpose than the modern sofas
When Edward VII was just a prince, he was a frequent customer of an exclusive Parisian brothel called Le Chabanais. He was such a frequent patron with such specific requests that they made a special “loveseat” for him. Although this is where we get the name for the tiny sofas we know today, the original loveseat was a chair made to support his weight while he employed the services of multiple women at once.
We’ve always gone to desperate lengths to find true love
Even though this frightening figurine looks anything but romantic, a message left on a lead tablet next to this artifact showed archeologists that this was actually an ancient love spell. The Roman “voodoo doll” was crafted between the 2nd and 3rd centuries, seemingly by someone who would do anything to get their beloved to notice them. The thirteen nails as well as the doll’s bound arms and legs are symbolic representations of the spellcaster’s wish for their crush to be overcome with a binding love.
We’ve been scribbling dirty doodles in our notebooks since the invention of paper
We’ll always look for ways to amuse ourselves when we’re feeling bored, and if we have access to a pen and paper, that can often lead to drawing silly doodles. The same was true during the Middle Ages. It was common practice for books to be published as “illuminated manuscripts” meaning that their pages were filled with illustrations. The artists tasked to hand-paint thousands upon thousands of pages sometimes fell prey to their boredom and ended up painting silly scenes like the one above (found in an 11th-century law book!).
Laughter is a very ancient medicine
Figurines such as this can be found throughout the former Greek Empire depicting Baubo, the goddess of humor. As the legend goes, Baubo took Demeter in after her daughter, Persephone, was abducted by Hades. Seeing that Demeter was too depressed to eat or drink, the funny old woman thought to lift her skirt and flash Demeter. Demeter couldn’t help but let out a hearty laugh, proving that we’ve always been cheered up by a well-timed dirty joke.
Tantric Yoga was practiced up to 10,000 years ago
Way before people were doing yoga in heated studios to stay in shape, people in ancient India were practicing yoga as both a physical and spiritual practice. In Indian tradition, tantra were systematic teachings that often involved the use of a mantra. Since the 11th century, hatha yoga has aimed at raising kundalini (a divine feminine energy) and keeping “vital forces” from dripping out of the body’s energy channels.
Catherine the Great, the Empress of Russia employed professional “foot ticklers” and kept a cabinet of carnal curiosities
Some of Catherine’s subjects thought she was great because of her leadership. Others thought she was great because she was basically their “sugar momma.” Throughout her reign, Catherine kept the company of several younger men that she called her ‘favorites.’ The ‘favorites’ were often compensated with large sums of money, plots of land, powerful political positions, and even servants. Catherine also commissioned several pieces of erotic furniture that she kept in a private chamber.
People have been riding bulls for fun long before they were mechanical
Getty Images / Getty Images Entertainment / Gilbert Carrasquillo / Wikimedia Commons
The popular tradition found in state fairs and rowdy bars may trace its roots back to the Ancient Minoan society. A fresco found in Knossos Palace shows an figure performing what’s known as “bull-leaping.” Crowds would gather in the city’s central court to watch acrobats leap on the back of a charging bull and perform a number of other bull-related sports.
It’s always been difficult for humans to resist temptations
According to legend, chastity devices have been used since the time of the Crusades, but the oldest evidence of their existence is from the 15th-century. These locking contraptions were most commonly worn by women, either to prove their faithfulness to their husbands or to protect them from sexual predators. However, chastity belts were also made for men who wanted to ensure they didn’t give in when certain urges arose.
Female homosexuality was not taboo in Ancient China
Not only were same-sex relationships acceptable according to Ancient Chinese social standards, but archeological discoveries show that there were products designed specifically for two women in love. This bronze artifact was found in a Han Dynasty tomb and is around two-thousand years old.
Cleopatra may have used a vibrating device made from a gourd filled with live bees
The last Queen of Egypt may have been the first to invent a personal vibrating device. According to legend, Cleopatra instructed her beekeepers to fill a gourd with live bees and seal the opening. The buzz of the hive created a vibration that Cleopatra used to her advantage, giving a whole new definition to the term “Queen Bee.”
Pilgrim Badges were like trophies for finishing a race
In the medieval period, it became very common for people who made pilgrimages to holy sites to wear decorative badges to commemorate their journey. Archeologists discovered this badge in present-day Belgium, but their unclear on it’s significance. The scene may be reminiscent of the Roman fascinum but it could also be a parody badge mocking people who wore genuine ones.
Diana of Ephesus was the original open-armed mother figure
In ancient times, the goddess known as either Diana or Artemis was associated with nature, fertility, and domestic animals. The many-breasted figure was often invoked to help women during conception and delivery. Given that she was often depicted with open arms and said to be the virginal mother of all life, some scholars have drawn a through-line from the ancient myths of Diana to those of the Virgin Mary.
The Tomb of Victor Noir Shows an Early Urban Legend
In 19th-century France, speaking against the imperial regime was a quick way to become a martyr, just as Victor Noir found out after he was assassinated by Napoleon Bonaparte’s cousin. The artist who sculpted his monument decided to honor the fallen figure by shaping a rather prominent mound just below his belt. According to legend, kissing the statue, rubbing his nether region, and placing a flower in his top hat will bring good fortune in the form of increased fertility or a satisfying romantic life. The myth is so fervently followed that these parts of the sculpture have been well-worn to a polish while the rest of the bronze has oxidized and turned green.
Ancient Romans had special tokens to pay for brothels
Prostitution was a common part of Roman culture but it was prohibited to enter a brothel with coins depicting the emperor. In order to work around this restriction, the Romans minted special coins that were stamped with scenes of couples engaging in a variety of adult behaviors.
Sheila na gig statues were placed at church entrances to give evil spirits a more tempting place to enter
In 11th and 12th-century Europe, the last thing you’d want inside your castle or cathedral was a demon or evil spirit. People used to think that this was enough of a threat that they were willing to deface their buildings to avoid the risk. Statues like this were placed near the entrances to sacred spaces so that the demons would be tempted to enter a different opening.
A Victorian doctor invented the “Pulsocon Hand Crank” to give women pelvic massages as a treatment for “hysteria”
In the Victorian era, many doctors believed that women experiencing mental and behavior were suffering from a condition called “hysteria.” Although it’s no longer accepted as a legitimate medical condition, the treatment for a hysteria diagnosis was a fully-climactic pelvic massage. In order to speed up the process, Dr. Macaura invented one of the earliest hand-crank personal massagers.
Priapus figurines were like lawn gnomes that were believed to promote fertility in the vegetable garden
Most civilizations that rely on farming would probably go to great lengths to make sure their crops were successful. The Greeks, however, went to great lengths as well as great girths. The Greek god of garden produce, Priapus, was often depicted as a dwarfish man with a massive member. They believed that placing figurines of Priapus in a vegetable garden would lead to a bountiful harvest, but it coincidentally also worked well as a scarecrow.
Pope Pius II wrote a romantic novel filled with steamy illustrations
Before he became the head of the Catholic Church, Pope Pius II was known as Enea Silvio Bartolomeo Piccolomini, an author and poet. One of his works, The Tale of Two Lovers, is about a scandalous love affair between the Duke of Austria’s lord-in-waiting and a married woman. As if that isn’t surprising enough, the Pope’s romantic novel was also loaded with illustrations, proving that raunchy paperbacks were a thing long before 50 Shades of Gray.
The Pharaoh’s royal “Guardian of the Anus” was like an ancient proctologist
Egyptian medicine overlapped with their religious beliefs. They believed that illness was caused by spirits blocking the channels of the body, and the Pharaoh employed several medical specialists to help with various conditions. When they experienced a very specific type of blockage, they called the Neru Phuyt, literally the “Guardian of the Anus.” Despite what you might think, it was considered an honor to hold this position since most people were forbidden from touching the Pharaoh, let alone so intimately.
We’re just as immature as the Romans, who warded off the evil eye with bells and…whistles
According to the Romans, the two best ways to scare away evil spirits were bells and phallic amulets called fascinum. Countless of these figures have been discovered throughout the former Roman Empire, often with bells attached to them and hung like a wind chime. Apparently, the laughter caused by looking at these obscenities could ward off the evil eye, proving we haven’t matured a bit over the millennia.